Block xxx
Tampines Street xx
#xx-xxx
Singapore xxxxxx
1st February 2010
Changi Airport Group (Singapore) Pte. Ltd.
Singapore Changi Airport
PO Box 168
Singapore 918146
Dear Sir/Mdm,
Application for the post of Assistant Duty Terminal Manager
Thank you for your attention. I am enclosing my resume to register my keen interest in the above-mentioned position posted online on 18th Dec 2009.
I will be graduating this May with a Bachelor of Science, majoring in Life-Science (specialization in Biomedical Science) from the National University of Singapore. As a fresh graduate, I believe my self-motivation and willingness to learn will make up for my lack of workplace experience. Proficient in English, Chinese and Cantonese, I believe that this will stand me in good stead for this position.
I am able to handle changes, challenges and adversities well. An internship with Singapore Airport Terminal Services had offered me a glimpse of the day-to-day at Changi Airport and helped trained me to work efficiently under pressure. From my overseas student exchange experience, I learnt how to perform independently, think critically, and relate to people of different backgrounds. I also enjoy interacting with others and working as a team.
After numerous air travels in the region and in Europe, it is no doubt Changi Airport offers excellent experience for travellers. However I too believe there will be constant improvements to be made to keep Changi above other competition. I will be proud to be part of the team aiming to provide the best for airport users.
I sincerely welcome any opportunity to discuss with you my suitability for the post. I am available for an interview anytime.
I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you very much.
Yours sincerely,
Iris Hoi Yee CHAN
+65 xxxx xxxx
U07xxxxx@nus.edu.sg
Enclosure: Resume
Hey Iris
ReplyDeleteJust read your draft and here's some suggestion for you to consider. Please don't hate me after this. Peace.
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I think the 1st sentence "Thank you for your attentions" is not really necessary as you have thanked them at the end.
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Next i feel that the last sentence
"Proficient in English, Chinese and Cantonese, I believe that this will stand me in good stead for this position."
sounds wierd to me. Perhaps you can try something like
I believe my proficiency in English, Chinese and Cantonese will stand me in good stead for this position.
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3rd Paragraph is a little messy. You start off saying your skills such as handle changes but it is not adequately supported by the subsequent statement of your internship.
Perhaps leave out the first sentence and try
I have previously done an internship with the Singapore Airport Terminal Services. The rigorous nature of the assignment has trained me to work effectively under adverse conditions. (or pressure)
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I think there is a need to figure out what you want to say in each paragraph before going into it. Like if the paragraph talks about your skills you possess then maybe you should focus that paragraph base on that.
Another example is the sentence on enjoy working as a team. It seems like it came from no where and not supported. perhaps you can try to tie it to your SEP experience.
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After numerous air travels in the region and in Europe, it is no doubt Changi Airport offers excellent experience for travellers. - not really necessary since they don't need you to tell them that they are the best.
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I hope i haven't offended you in anyway. Just a little suggestion which i felt needs improvement. My English isn't fantastic either and I think my suggestions might need polishing before you put them into your letter.
Feel free to rebut me so that we can all learn.
(this includes all who are reading this comment)
Cheers
See Chai
Iris: I think See Chai has gave a very detailed comment on your letter.
ReplyDeleteMy comments is that the language structures can be further improved and it should be quite good after that.
4th paragraph is a little messy. "I too believe" is a little weird. I think there is a gist of what you want to say in paragraph 4 but perhaps you want to make it more clear as to why you want to work for them. Also, your reason for the interest in the job is either not very convincing or just not clearly stated.
Good luck for the letter writing!
Hey Iris..
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your post, my initial impression was that it was written in a rush and everything was thrown into the letter. Perhaps some organisation of the paragraphs will help to bring your strengths across to the employers.
Personally, I felt that the first paragraph seemed a bit out of place. Since you sent in an application letter, it already showed the employer your interest in the job? Also, you stated your strengths but you did not substantiate them with your experiences to give you an edge above the other applicants. Perhaps you can describe a lesson learnt from one of your experiences and how you can use that to contribute to the job.
'Praising' ourselves without sounding arrogant is not the easiest thing to do so good luck with the letter:)
(shoot. got caught for sloppy work..) :X
ReplyDeleteHaha. No, really. Thanks all for the feedback. =) I have not sufficiently considered the 7Cs. Will try to substantiate my points..it's really tough to sing my own praises!